HollyAlonzo – Never Giving Up Hope

Front Cover of the book. Blue skies, white clouds, and a pair of hands letting go on a butterfly.

“Never Giving Up Hope” tells the story of what I have gone through in my life. Normal one day, and blind the next. I tell about the challenges I have faced with my disease, and this blindness.

As a blind person I came to rely on my hearing. But this disease is taking that away from me as well. I tell of the struggles I’ve had as a Deaf-Blind individual.

Only a person’s faith and determination can get them though something like this. I wrote this book to help, educate, an inspire others. Anyone can get through challenges in their life as long as they don’t give up hope.

I need an Auditory Brainstem Implant to give me hearing back. My insurance will not cover this device. By buying a copy of this book, you are supporting my cause. All sales from this book will go to the ABI fund and allow me to hear sounds once again. Buy a copy for yourself or for a friend. Help raise the funds needed for the Auditory Brainstem Implant.

This book makes it easier for those with low vision to read. The font size is 14, and it is on solid white paper for a higher contrast. There is also the e-book for those using screen readers. I am blind myself, so I have made this book accessible to all.

How To Order

You may get a copy of this book a couple of different ways. You may click on the buttons below and pay for the book online , or order by postal mail.

Print copies of the bookare $12.99, and the electronic copy is only $7!

To order a print copy directly from me, you may click the button below.

If you would like an E-Book instead click the following button.

I do have an accessible file for those using screen readers. Just put “accessible” in the instructions to the seller.

Once payment has been received, you will be sent your copy. If you chose to buy an E-Book instead, please allow 24 HRS for the file to be emailed to you as an attachment.

If you want to order by postal mail, please include the following information with your payment.

1. Name
2. Address
3. Which format of the book you would like.
4. E-mail Address (if applicable)
5. Phone Number (if applicable)

If buying a print copy, please include $4.95 to the amount for shipping. This information and your payment may be mailed to:

Holly AlonzoP.O Box 291
Piggott, AR 72454

Buy a book and help raise the funds to get the needed surgery and the implant.

We all have challenges in our life, no matter how big they are.

I have already gone through a time in my life when I dealt with a major challenge. A brain tumor nearly took my life, but it did take my vision.

I was only 13 when this happened. It was very hard to adjust to blindness since I was just hitting my teen yearsz and was looking forward to driving and doing other things a normal teen does.

Nearly a decade later, I am now losing hearing as well. Each day that passes, I think it is going to be my last hearing day.

Now I am faced with a major delema. Do I keep natural hearing as long as possible? Or do I get the tumor removed now and go completely deaf?

If I leave it in, it could possibly do too much damage and destroy my last chance for an ABI. If I take it out, even thought I would be completely terrified, I would have better chances for a successful implantation of the ABI since so far things haven’t been destroyed completely.

What to do? I don’t know. Edward doesn’t know. It’s such a hard decision to make.

Part of me wants to do it now for theimplant later. And part of me is too scared to lose hearing completely, even though I know that is what will happen in the long run.

Also I don’t know how well the ABI would work for me. Right now I can hear Isaiah say, “momma”. With the ABI I’m not sure if I’d ever be able to.

Do I hang on to my hearing as long as possible so that I can hear that precious voice say that word? Or takethe tumor out, getthe ABI, and hope for the best? What would you do if you were in this situation?

No frizzy hair, not clown nose. No big shoes. But I still feel like I am dressed up as a clown.

I believe I mentioned once before that after I had my wisdom teeth on the left side cut out, the right side of my face and my lips had that weird sensation like they were numb. They were not completely numb though. If you poked it or pinched it, I would feel it.

The numbness sensation continued to spread to the tip of my tongue. I told several doctors about this and still, would not order me an MRI.

Now, it is starting to worry me. Within the past week or two my lips feel really weird. They feel like I am wearing clown make up.

I still feel things if my lips are squeezed or poked, but there is no other way to describe the feeling other than a numb sensation.

I have an appointment to have an MRI and see a neurosurgeon on August 12. I emailed the nurse last night to check on this and see if I can wait that long with this new symptom.

I have to wait for her to respond to my question now. I am really tired of this feeling though. I’m serious when I say it feels like I am wearing clown make up on the lower part of my face. I just want to wipe it off, but there is nothing there.

The joys of NF2. I’m always worrying if the issue is somehow related to a tumor. Hopefully this will turn out to be nothing too bad. We will have to wait and see and I will keep you all posted.

When the Grandpares have Isaiah, I should get to sleep in., but I can’t.

My body is waking up every morning before anyone else. Even f I have gone to bed at a later time the night before.

I am usually someone who lloves to sleep. In fact Edward nicknamed me “Snooze Head”.

The only time my body stayed awake most of the time was when it was preparing for a new baby. That is not the case this time though. So waking up all of the time is very strange.

I would like to go back to sleep. When I sleep I can hear perfectly in my dreams! I can see too. When I first lost my sight, I slep all of the time. I could see in my dreams and that a way for me to hang on to it.

You would think I would want to do the same thing with my hearing. But my body won’t let it. Why? Who knows, but it’s a bit annoying at times.

We came home from Texas today. Traveling was such a headache. So hard.

I think I married the guy with the thickest head. He’s wonderful but he needs to understand. He’ll say something and I won’t understand. I’ll ask him to sign it . Instead of doing this, he’ll repeat and keep repeating until I get frustrated and say to forget it.

Many times today I wasn’t sure what we were doing I just went with the flow.

We had a lay over between his parents house and Little Rock. Got a sandwich there so Isaiah could have something to eat.

The sandwich turned out to be a wrap. The wrap was 95% lettuce. Not exactly appetizing for a toddler. He took one bite and pushed it away. “nah.”

Got home and saw a message from the representative from HKNC for this area. We are working on finding ways to help me living here in Arkansas and being deaf-blind.

I have a meeting with someone on Thursday from the Services for the Deaf. Maybe then I’ll find out if I can learn more sign language. Right now I only know enough to get by.

Complete deaf-blind is coming nearer. Unless I have a miracle or they come out with a treatment that works ASAP, then it won’t be long. Only time will tell how soon.

I really don’t like negativity. Especially when it is something you can not change.

I am riding the roller coaster of life. Happy one minute and scared or down the next.

My hearing goes up and down and sometimes I feel like it isn’t even worth having. But then I hear “momma?” That’s always worth it.

I enjoy it here in Texas seeing Edward’s family, but I still want to get back to my house.

In my house I can control wherethings are and move around easier. It’s still a challenge because of my balance, but here it’s basically impossible.

If I want to go somewhere, even to the bathroom, I have to have someone help me to the doorway because my balance isso bad now that I need something or someone to hold on to.

I can’t hear very well at all, and I am having to have people sign more and more. Today I had to call my mom using relay. It’s so depressingto know that I can’t even talk to my mother on the phone anymore like I used to.

I just want to get back to my house, with my own things, and feel safer. When I get back home I have a meeting with the services forthe deaf in order for me to learn more sign language. I am excited about this.

I’m just trying to stay posative or optomistic about life, even though it doesn’t look good at times. With a posative mind, I will get through anything.

Imagine sitting outside enjoying the nice whether, and then here comes a mosquito.

These evil little blood suckers have been bothering me almost everytime I go outside. They are biting Isaiah too.

Obviously the mosquito repellents that you buy from the store don’t work.

I will have to make my own. I’ll start working on this as soon as I get home.

A friend told me today about taking a sulfer tablet once a day. I will try this, but I still want to have my own concoction of mosquito spray or lotion.

Whenever I get home and can play around with some ingridients, I shall let you all know if my concoction works or not. If it does, I will share with all!

No one should have to put up with those blasted mosquitos biting them and making them all itchy. I love making things. The question is, will I be successful at making a mosquito repellant? We shall see.

hope Today we American’s celebrate Independence Day.

My little family is enjoying this time of year in Texas with Edward’s family.

Isaiah is having a blast here. Edward has a new nephew who is a couple of weeks old. I am enjoying holding him and letting the memories come back. Isaiah used to be that small.

Edward’s mom has learned to fingerspell for me! Instead of telling Edward something and having him sign it to me. She wanted me to show her how to do it. Then she went to the wonderful internet and printed off the hand shapes for the letter. It thrills me that she actually wants to make an effort to learn this in order to talk to me.

Today is a day many are celebrating. I hope everyone has a great fourth, even if not in the U.S. Whether you are grilling, swimming, having a picnic, riding ride, watching pagants, or many other things, I hope you enjoy the day and remember our freedom.

I need the Auditory Brainstem Implant. Some people have supported me and donated toward this cause.

But I still need $20,000 to raise before I can have this surgery.

The ABI is something I need. Some hearing, no matter how little, will let me hear my son.

I am working with the owner of an organization called DeafBlind Hope, and we are going to set up a fund for me for people to donate too. All donations will be tax deductible, and that could make the difference in fundraising.

When the fund gets set up at DeafBlind Hope, I will let everyone know how they can help.

We have moved to Arkansas, and it’s so much more laid back here. I still do not have internet, so right now, I am using a wireless connection I found, but it is not always available.

Tomorrow night, I’m off to Texas for a couple of weeks, and Isaiah is going to have so much fun playing with his cousins!

Back to the ABI, this is something I need. It will be my only link to the world. I’m not sure if people understand what deaf and blind means. I’ve even had a few deaf people say they manage just fine without sign language. I ask them to take away the vision, and then see how fine they would be doing? Without vision you can’t lip-read, read someone’s writinig on a notebook, or do many more things. Deaf and blind is a scary world. To put it in simple terms to help you understand. If I do not get the ABI, I will see nothing, and I will hear nothing. The only way for me to know anyone is around me would be through touch. I would not be able to read lips, see a note someone wrote me, travel in unfamiliar areas, know that someone new walked into a room, or even hear my lil precious boy say, “mom?” or my husband say “I love you.” I will only know these things, what people are saying to me, through tactual sign language or braille, which not many people know.

For those that don’t think supporting this ABI is all that important, just stop and think. If this were happening to you, would you want people to help you? If you are blind, how would you feel if you were losing your hearing? If you were deaf, how would you feel if you were losing your vision?

Thank you for considering my need. I just want to continue to hear my son’s voice when he needs me and stay as independent as possible.