I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter! Have fun but also remember why it is we are celebrating this day.

This surgery was a huge success, even if there were complications. I feel so blessed. I have an excellent team of surgeons operating on me.

There are several truly amazing things about this whole experience that definitely show me that God was at work here. Right now the one I’m thinking about is the surgeons saving my face.

I had a 5cm tumor. That is extremely large for an acoustic neuroma. It was life-threatening. It was causing me to choke on food and drinks, have no balance, falling all of the time, and making me space out. The spacey spells I was having were very scary. It would feel like I had been injected with the strongest drug out there, and I would feel like I was about to pass out. I couldn’t think, talk, focus, anything.

Now, the spacey spells are gone. I can walk using a walker, I can stand in place and sit on the side of the bed without swaying like a drunk, and I don’t lose focus anymore. I do have headaches off and on, but that is from the surgery. They aren’t near as bad as they were.

So I am home and recovering nicely. I still have a trech and a feeding tube. I am going to have my PCP get an appointment to take the trach out, I think an ENT has to do it, and order a swallow study to see if things are still going to my lungs. I think everything is fine. I know the trach can be taken out. Everyone there is safe now.

We flew home Saturday. Little Rock was very cold and the streets were slick with snow and ice. Since it was late in the evening, we had to get a hotel room for the night and try to drive home the next morning.

The long drive was even longer. My Dad had to drive very slow because the roads were so bad. I’m just glad we finally made it home safely.

We got home Sunday afternoon and as soon as we pulled into the driveway my aunt, who was watching Isaiah for me, opened my door and put him on my lap.

I gave Isaiah the world’s hugest hug. I missed him so much. My family missed him too, but at least they could call and talk to him on the phone. I had no contact at all and I would get so sad and lay in my hospital bed and cry because I just wanted to hold my baby. He signed, “I love you Momma.” Oh what precious words.

Hearing is completely gone now. It’s scary not knowing who or what is around me, if anything. At home it’s not so bad, but in the airport I nearly had a few anxiety attacks. I didn’t know if danger was around, afraid someone would try to attack or abduct me. Yes I know, I’m crazy but I am a chicken when it comes to crime. If it can happen to other people, it could happen to me as well.

It’s also very lonely and boring not being able to hear a thing when you are totally blind. There’s nothing to do to occupy your time. The only thing you have is touch. In L.A. I had two options. Talk to my parents or Edward, which can’t be done every second of the day, or read a book. I had my PAC Mate (braille note taker) and I have a digital book on it. I read it with the refreshable braille display on the note taker. Doing those two things, and praying a whole bunch, I got through those rough days in the hospital.

I want to thank everybody for their prayers, good vibes, encouragement, and support. It really helped and I could not have gotten through this without all of it. Thank you so much. I know God is watching over me. He was in the surgery and he still is here at home. Everything will be fine now, and the ABI will be a huge success because God isn’t finished with me. There is a reason I received that huge donation and was able to get the device. He wouldn’t have made that happen if it wasn’t going to work well for me. It is a miracle, and I really do feel so blessed.

My life has been turned upside down by NF2. First from losing my sight. I adjusted to being blind and still tried to lead a normal life.

Now I have lost my hearing as well. This frightens me more than I can say. I am fairly certain it frightens me so much because of the unknown.

We all fear the unknown. I don’t know how to be completely deaf and blind. Can I do it?

That’s the scary part. If you ask anyone what they would do if they lost their vision, they would say that they would be scared and not know how to go on.

I know that I can get through this, I am just not sure how at the moment. Will I just adjust like I did with my vision? Or will I have to relearn things?

I know that this hearing loss is something that I can not change, so I am trying to figure things out right now so that when I become fully deaf blind, it won’t be such a shock to the system.

Acceptance finally came to me one night while I was on Facebook. My
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Aunt mentioned something about accepting it. She’s right. I have to ask God to grant me the strength to accept what I can not change.

Once I accept it completely, I’ll be able to move on, but not until then.

I still can not hear that great, and can not communicate with people easily, but I am not as scared.

The other day I had noticed my hearing had dropped over night. I told a friend to send out the prayer request to everyone she could.

She did, and that very day I felt the prayers. My anxiety level was back to normal and I didn’t fear losing my hearing.

It’s still a scary thought being completely deaf-blind. But I know that I’ll get through anything with prayers.

It is difficult to understand my parents, and I can’t very well. Mom is having to fingerspell to me when I don’t understand her, and Dad haas to write on my palm.

I really hate print on palm, but it is something that works even if it does take a while. Dad can’t fingerspell because his hands are affected with arthritis and they won’t bend the way they need to to make the letters.

I am managing the best I can, and I can’t wait to get back home where I don’t haved to communicate with anyone except Isaiah and the computer. They are the two things I can understand.

Today is the day that we Christians celebrate the reserection of Jesus Christ.

For me, I like Easter even more than Christmas. Yes the birht of Jesus is important and something to celebrate, but his death and reserection is what means the most to us Christians.

Because of this, we et our salvation and chance to be forgiven. Praise God!

I am in Arkansas now. I got here yesterday. Today I went and had Easter Dinner with my randma. It was a great dinner and I enjoyed seeing everyone again.

Isaiah had fun with all of the kids, adults, and doing an Easter Egg hunt.

Whenever my mom went outside to hide the eggs, it started raining. So she had to hide them in the house.

Isaiah still have fun though. He loves to find things. I guess because I make him pick anything he threw in the floor back up and then ask “Is there any more? find them. vie it to me.”

No matter if you had dinner with a family, hunted Easter Eggs, spent your day in Church, or did somethin else. I hope you had a reat Easter.

I was listening to this song while going through my emails. there is the line that says “I was blind but now I see”. Generally everyone takes that literally. Blind, like Holly, and having sight restored. Today, I understand. I was blind to the word but now I am able to understand it and see the meaning.

Since I have been putting my all into reading, praising, studying the Lord, I am getting my mind renewed. I see things differently now than I did even 4 months ago. I do not have some of the same thoughts and opinions. It’s amazing how it all can change without you even knowing.

I know that this is working for me. I am finding peace in the Bible. That peace is carrying over to my life in General. My anxiety isn’t as high as it was before and because of everyone praying for me and supporting me, I am doing fantastic. Sure I get headaches off and on, but I try to ignore them. I haven’t had any pain pills in several days. I was given 3 bottles of pain pills for after the surgery and I only took one.

All I have to say, is Amazing Grace.

Here is a little faith story.  I could not get pregnant despite trying for nearly two years.  I was depressed all of the time because I wanted a baby.  I would see others with a baby and get sad all over again.  Everyone was getting pregnant except me and I actually wanted to…they didn’t.

Oneday I am not sure what kicked my faith into gear or not but I had it set in my mind that that month would be the month.  Ihad been praying about it and I put it out of my mind just knowing that it would work.  I never could before so I am not sure what made me able to do it that time.  I was very sick with bronchitis but of course I hadn’t gone to the doctor to be diagnosed with it; I just knew I had it by the symptoms I was having.

Edward would tell me to take all this medicine for my cough and all but I would refuse.  When he asked me why?  Simple, “it’s because I’m pregnant.”

He told me there was no proof and I hadn’t even missed a period yet.  I told him, “Yes but I just know.  I’m pregnant.”  He asked how I “just knew” I told him simply that I had prayed for it.  He couldn’t wrap his head around why I felt so strongly about this and told me I was being crazy “you’re not pregnant, “what are you going to do if a test is negative?”  Easy answer, “the test will be wrong if it’s negative.  I don’t care what any doctor or test says, I am pregnant.”

So on the 28th day of my cycle I couldn’t wait any more.  I wasn’t even going to the doctor for the pregnancy test but the bronchitis was getting really bad.  While I was there the pregnancy occured to me.  “oh yes, one more thing.  can you do a pregnancy test?”  He asked me if I had missed.  I said, “no but I know I’m pregnant I just want confirmation so my husband will believe it too.”

This doctor had ordered many pregnancy tests that were all negative.  So he thought I was a little off the wall too since I hadn’t even missed.  I could tell he was thinking, “she should give up for a while.” But I insisted on having a test and then told him, “well it doesn’t matter if you do it or not, I just wanted confirmation.  I already know I’m pregnant.”

He did the test.  And low and behold.  Holly was correct.  I came home and told my husband and he was shocked.  He asked me how I knew.  I just knew.  That’s what faith is.  When you pray for it you just know it will happen simply because you asked for it.

So using that story, why can I not get my faith in order when it comes to my hearing?  I’ve prayed about my hearing and health many times; for me to be able to keep what remaining hearing I have.  But I can’t get my faith into it.  This is something I will have to work on for 2009.  I know that once I pray for this and truely mean it and not doubt it at all, then it will happen for me.  A lot of people don’t believe this, but I could even get my sight back this way.  It’s all part of faith, I just have to get myself to believe it could and would happen to me.

Another thing is Isaiah.  He is truely God’s blessing.  I had the easiest pregnancy and didn’t gain any extra weight except the baby.  I knew whenever I was pregnant that he would not have NF2.  How did I know?  Just one of those things you know without knowing how you know.  Actually I did know.  Like I said previously, he is God’s blessing.  I was given a healthy, amazingly behaved baby.  God’s blessing has no defects and I know this.

I had him tested anyway.  To proove to everyone that I’ve been telling, “No, he doesn’t have it.  I just know deep down he is clean.” 

They all tell me that I have no proof and I can’t just go on a hunch.  That made me start doubting my faith.  “what if he does have it and I look like a fool for feeling so strongly a bout him not having it?”

Then I saw this verse in the bible.  “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
Hebrews 11:1

That brought it all home.  Where is my faith?  I can not have doubts no matter how many people try to put them in my head. 

Isaiah’s blood was drawn to be tested for NF2.  They are going to try to get my results from Little Rock.  I told them they probably wouldn’t get them from there.  They told me there are only a few labs in the country that test for NF, so they will call them all to see if any of them have my results.  If that all fails, they took my blood too and will retest if they have to but that will take longer.  Once they find my gene, they can look for it in Isaiah. 

But I am certain, there will be no defect for him.  He is free from NF2 and I don’t need proof to tell you this.  I prayed for a baby that did not have NF2.  I was blessed.  I got my baby, so that means I got my baby without NF2.

We all need a little faith and not let the world put doubts in our believing.  Try and remember that.