Something occured to me today. Is my faith strong enough? What I mean is, when I ask for something, protection, somethingi to happen from God am I certain I am going to get it?
Here is a little faith story. I could not get pregnant despite trying for nearly two years. I was depressed all of the time because I wanted a baby. I would see others with a baby and get sad all over again. Everyone was getting pregnant except me and I actually wanted to…they didn’t.
Oneday I am not sure what kicked my faith into gear or not but I had it set in my mind that that month would be the month. Ihad been praying about it and I put it out of my mind just knowing that it would work. I never could before so I am not sure what made me able to do it that time. I was very sick with bronchitis but of course I hadn’t gone to the doctor to be diagnosed with it; I just knew I had it by the symptoms I was having.
Edward would tell me to take all this medicine for my cough and all but I would refuse. When he asked me why? Simple, “it’s because I’m pregnant.”
He told me there was no proof and I hadn’t even missed a period yet. I told him, “Yes but I just know. I’m pregnant.” He asked how I “just knew” I told him simply that I had prayed for it. He couldn’t wrap his head around why I felt so strongly about this and told me I was being crazy “you’re not pregnant, “what are you going to do if a test is negative?” Easy answer, “the test will be wrong if it’s negative. I don’t care what any doctor or test says, I am pregnant.”
So on the 28th day of my cycle I couldn’t wait any more. I wasn’t even going to the doctor for the pregnancy test but the bronchitis was getting really bad. While I was there the pregnancy occured to me. “oh yes, one more thing. can you do a pregnancy test?” He asked me if I had missed. I said, “no but I know I’m pregnant I just want confirmation so my husband will believe it too.”
This doctor had ordered many pregnancy tests that were all negative. So he thought I was a little off the wall too since I hadn’t even missed. I could tell he was thinking, “she should give up for a while.” But I insisted on having a test and then told him, “well it doesn’t matter if you do it or not, I just wanted confirmation. I already know I’m pregnant.”
He did the test. And low and behold. Holly was correct. I came home and told my husband and he was shocked. He asked me how I knew. I just knew. That’s what faith is. When you pray for it you just know it will happen simply because you asked for it.
So using that story, why can I not get my faith in order when it comes to my hearing? I’ve prayed about my hearing and health many times; for me to be able to keep what remaining hearing I have. But I can’t get my faith into it. This is something I will have to work on for 2009. I know that once I pray for this and truely mean it and not doubt it at all, then it will happen for me. A lot of people don’t believe this, but I could even get my sight back this way. It’s all part of faith, I just have to get myself to believe it could and would happen to me.
Another thing is Isaiah. He is truely God’s blessing. I had the easiest pregnancy and didn’t gain any extra weight except the baby. I knew whenever I was pregnant that he would not have NF2. How did I know? Just one of those things you know without knowing how you know. Actually I did know. Like I said previously, he is God’s blessing. I was given a healthy, amazingly behaved baby. God’s blessing has no defects and I know this.
I had him tested anyway. To proove to everyone that I’ve been telling, “No, he doesn’t have it. I just know deep down he is clean.”
They all tell me that I have no proof and I can’t just go on a hunch. That made me start doubting my faith. “what if he does have it and I look like a fool for feeling so strongly a bout him not having it?”
Then I saw this verse in the bible. “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
Hebrews 11:1
That brought it all home. Where is my faith? I can not have doubts no matter how many people try to put them in my head.
Isaiah’s blood was drawn to be tested for NF2. They are going to try to get my results from Little Rock. I told them they probably wouldn’t get them from there. They told me there are only a few labs in the country that test for NF, so they will call them all to see if any of them have my results. If that all fails, they took my blood too and will retest if they have to but that will take longer. Once they find my gene, they can look for it in Isaiah.
But I am certain, there will be no defect for him. He is free from NF2 and I don’t need proof to tell you this. I prayed for a baby that did not have NF2. I was blessed. I got my baby, so that means I got my baby without NF2.
We all need a little faith and not let the world put doubts in our believing. Try and remember that.
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